Don't Rush, Drink It All In - Then Enjoy

my mother says to me, "don't rush it."
she reminds me, "there's plenty of time."

mothers opinions coming from love, she just wants the best for me.  she gets sad when I'm sad, she wants to kiss any owie and make it better.  she knows it doesn't changes things but still she is always willing to share a hug.  my mother has always just wanted me to explore and find happiness.  i'm lucky to have such a great mother.  she knows me well

i do rush.  when I want something i can be impatient with time.  i tend to forget their is plenty in the world, especially if you go a little slower and pay attention to all the blessings.  i like to get after it, charge toward me goal and take what i believe to be mine.  it makes me feel like and man yet most times i'm such a boy. 

time still for plenty of growing in my life.  i know what i want, the seeds are planted and my intentions are true, good, honest.  with the warmth of love those seeds will surely grow.  a worthy wine takes time, it can't be rushed, even after it is poured into the glass it is best to pause and appreciate it before slugging it down.  see, swirl, sip, enjoy...

i'm listening mom

What's Your Buzz, Text Me

hard lives we tend to leave.  each of us has places to be so how is it that we ever meet. it is brief moments that bring us together.  just shoot me a text.

i'm drinking red wine fierce tonight, with reckless abandon we polish off another bottle.  she is not with me so i let her know, i'm thinking of you, i wish you were here, i need less wine in my glass (although if i must drink the house red aint bad).  "drunk last night, drunk the night before, feeling drunk again what is the way to your door?"

three smiley faces is the reply text.  upon receiving it I smile.

connected in thought now, i'm excited.  reality, i'm drunk and don't know the way to here door.  the wine is slowing my thought.  i look for a good place to settle down, slumber.  I think of her text to me ...smile smile smile.  drifting off to sleep it's true, my life isn't hard.  to see you just have to find me in the moment

Why Love, What Love, Share with Me

"what do i know of love" she asks...  what words just left my mouth, i need to think.  one moment i was enjoy the buzz of a beautiful wine and the next a question hangs heavy about a seriousness i'm not prepared to consider at this moment.  drunk on rosa regale i'm in no mood for seriousness.  I take another drink but as I lower my glass i see she still looks at me quizzically.  this is serious.  i'm not going to think about why the question was ask, i'm going to go with the flow.  from head to mouth the thoughts of my heart pour out.

i know little of love but i know i've felt it.  Love is wonderful, magical and it hurts.  I've been broken by love.  left for dead, eventually i got back up looking for more, helped to my feet by the love of others.  the feeling of love is to great to ignore.  the beauty of love is that it's a gift to be shared.  love alone is not love at all, love that is shared moves mountains.

in love i feel three times larger and yet i don't know why.  love drives me to do things and i am able to do them because love fuels me.  away from my love i'm free to experience the world yet nothing is as enjoyable as my love so i always return.  life is lonely without love.  i know so little about love in fact that i tend to smother my lover, wanting so much to be with love I stifle the life in love.  you gotta let love grow, love needs space so it can get bigger.  i love love and fear love, love scares me but that is Love

at least that is what i know, because i felt it.
 

Love the Love - Let's Get Bubbly

standing in the wine isle i start to think.  i grab three wine bottles then finish my shopping, i'm now in action there's no time to think anymore.  she's been all in my head.  why deny it, she knows.  I know.  she's right and it's not to much to ask.  one day to feel special, one day above them all, one day to rule them, all done with love.

I'm not big fan of valentine's day.  maybe it's been the pressure, since i was a just a child we are driven to have a mate.  maybe it's been a fear of feeling heart broken, maybe it's because i hate to be forced, maybe it's I preferred to remind my partner that everyday you're special.  whatever it is, I used my dislike of v-day to not share the love.

Love is to be shared. love is to be felt.  who am I do deny love when that is all she is asking for.  she is asking for a day to be loved so why not fulfill that request and make her feel special. not with gifts, things or false mementos, nothing at all is needed more than what it takes to reminder her she is special.  getting my mind in the right space i'm ready to reconnect with the romance of the day.  bottle in hand, tomorrow we'll pop the cork and feel bubbly about the day. 

Drink It Down, Let's Sleep

"it's not a secret but i'll tell you anyway.  i prefer to sleep at the girls house rather then take her to my bedroom."  these are the words that come from my mouth as i pour more wine in her glass.  the noise of the juice escaping the bottle comes as a sshhhhhh.  news of my secret grabs this guest attention.

having already finished one bottle, we start consuming another.  she had suggested we take this bottle to the bedroom.  filling her glass i describe why this wine will be best enjoyed here, in the front room near the heater.  I'm a transient, at times I appear homeless. truth is i like to stay on the move.  it is hard for me to settle down.  content now, time huddled by a warm heater feels right.  

the most comfortable bed i sleep in these days is a room at my parents house, yet i continue to sleep all over.  the farm, the safe house, the cabin at pirate's cove, the spot in the city, the boat, a tent, in my puffy coat under the stars.  I'm no bum but i've even been known to sleep in my car.  all these beds i rarely share.  yes, it's been known to happen, not tonight.  although it is tempting, she is beautiful

we finish the second bottle.  cherry and current flavors mingle with a strawberry finish, like a kiss.  a sweet end to the evening.  getting her settled by the heater, I build a nest of blankets and pillows.  stroking her back, lights out, she drifts to sleep.  I retire to my bed.  my little secret continues, i sleep alone

Straight At It - We Get After Living

in my opinion the only way to live life is knowing how to slide down hill.  for me it is straight forward, i don't understand why people like to do it sideways.  I ski, some snowboard, it doesn't matter as long as you know how to get down the mountain.

...understanding how to get to the top is a different matter.  most of us start with getting a lift.  when  a helicopter drops you off it is easy to feel like a champion.  i know that's how i felt the first time i got off the highest chair at my home mountain, like a champ.

give me the steepest path in life, push me to find balance, dare my to go straight. i'm not afraid of going down, descending, being present to all that is scarey in life.  living aint easy, neither is life, it's all ups and downs.  gotta find balance, it's the only way to feel a sense of control but no matter what it's all about finding the flow.  people do it in all different ways, i'm just try to do it straight forward.  what can i say, i'm a ski bum

Drink Drunk Living Life

let's drink wine tonight for no other reason then to be drunk.

pull that cork and make it pop, let the world hear that tonight we are letting it all out.  pour the wine, pulling the bottle high above the glass so that the wine falls through the air.  let it make a splash.  let it stain the earth around us.  let them know we came to drink; drink it all in.

the aroma of the juice fills the air if you are present to smell it.  the crimson sparkles in the light if you are there to see it.  And the taste of the wine is mighty fine should you drink it.  this is living, present to all the senses, present to the moment, living in the present, drunk on life.

i see, swirl, sip, and spit.  happily make a mess of it all.  popping another cork we do it all again.  another bottle summons more friends to the party.  tonight we drink wine for no other reason then to feel the intoxication of life.

Home in the Mountains

humbled, i celebrate this solstice alone. the half moon over head lights the winter wilderness around me.  it's not the end of the world, it is just the beginning of a new life for me.

my walk in the woods became a walk down memory lane. retracing big steps in my life i look toward the direction they where going. finding them there in the future, my present, i realize the events in one's life takes you where you are going, it is up to you to make your intentions clear.

i am on the path that i want, i've created the world we had planned.  i am here now enjoying meditating in nature, on this the longest night of the year.  what happened to that old life i wonder now that i live on the other side of the transitioning moon.  i guess it is not for me to know anymore

i put down fresh tracks in the snow, these mountains are my home

Are We - Love Drink Wine

instantly we are connected but are we.  i sat with family tonight, days like today make you want to do that.  one more hug.  it was there in the presidents face, speaking to the nation he was thinking of his own daughters and wondering what is this world coming to.  how has it become this disconnected that a day like today can happen.  a "news person's" words made me think, you wouldn't expect it to happen in this type of community.

isn't america the wealthiest nation on the planet, i'm in the mountains and I discussed wine with my brother who lives in the bay what wine to drink tonight. after a shitty day like today you want something beautiful to drink.  he and his wife shared a fine bottle, a great value pick-up. a wine we once found at a gas station on the way to a husky tailgate so it hold extra meaning to us.  but the ridiculousness of a wine debate only feeds the image of this nations wealth.

if I was drinking it would be a bottle of la spinetta vigneto starderi barbaresco 2004, the last in my collection but who cares share the love.  I opened the big rhino, leaving it on the counter.  it is like a cut flower now, over time it will open and enough friends will pass that it will be appreciated. a beautiful wine like this is to be enjoyed, it must be allowed to breath for it to reach it's full potential.  wine, again we are a nation of wealth we can connect millions of miles away or with a neighbor next door.  we can sit down with family via video screen, just chat.  when i describe a wine and you drink it in, we are connected instantly aren't we.

connection is that easy isn't it.  we talk wine across the country, allow ourselves a moment to take a drink. inhale, we pause. those that chose not to take of the sacrament are no different then we.  connected enough if we all pause long enough for the moment to drink.  in that time think not of self, think not of fear, think not of other we all belong here. just enjoy, push your love out. can't you feel their is plenty of room.  no, is it too much not enough something just doesn't feel right, let's talk.  i'm willing to take the time to connect instantly, are we.

share a hug - i'm pausing to drink

Just Numbers, Just Life, Be Present - Drink Wine

one two, one two, one two, we march toward the end.  they say it happens (the end) this coming two one, shortest day of the year. switch up the beat and people are thrown off I guess.

but is the different beat really the end of all things or is it just the start of something new.  half full, half empty is the on going debate when people see the glass.  I like to think it's just half enjoyed which means we are nowhere near the end.  we are just currently in the process of loving life.  neither there or there but here, in the present, a tough place for most people to be.  admittedly i don't like to be here alone, the present seems so much more fulfilling when we have someone to share it with. it's a gift to share, the present.

here, i'll give it to you to enjoy. my present has a little more wine to consume. 12 12 12 the numbers are here, be present to it and enjoy.  add it together three, three, three or call it 9, series of twelve is how some see it. whatever it is to you let it be that but be it, live it, find your joy.  take another sip and drop the glass past just half cause it's here for you, my present (or is it yours).  breath it in, taste the lingering finish, let it warm you from the inside out, get drunk off it if you'd like, it's just life.  it is to be lived not thought of as numbers.  one two one two one two, call it a day of 3 twelves.  I see cases of wine but what matters is the beat goes on. 12-12-12...

one more sip i'll refill your glass we have time and a little more wine, this is life so drink it in

Dream - I'm Dreaming

i'm dreaming, ...a soundtrack lifts my soul as I float. downhill through the trees, I'm a ball of white. it is beautiful.  my excitement wakes me. opening one lazy eye the room is still dark, out of focus.  shutting my eye I breath deep, tomorrow will wait I'm off to another dream

she is on the beach.  it warms me to know she is there.  I'm in the water playing in the waves.  giving in to the sea my body flows, relaxed.  I dive, I surf, I splash, now and then I glance over to admire her, stretched out basking in the sun, she is beautiful.  the joy of her closeness wakes me.  my jaw hangs heavy, a touch of drool escapes the right corner of my mouth.  whipping my lip I roll over retuning to sleep, I'm dreaming

in the city now, I'm walking in the rain.  crowds of people push past, heads down they choose not to see me.  headphones in I rock my tunes as I step onto a crowded bus.  packed together we travel, each to our own beat.  at every stop dreary souls join as discourage ones leave.  where are we going I wonder... surely my alarm will soon wake me but for now I remain asleep  

What Do You Want - I Want To Heal

what more do they want from me, you've taken it all.  beat to the ground i pick myself backup again.  i've felt this mistake, i've know it when it was my fault and i've seen when it was just the percentages catching back up, you know its gonna happen so busted i pick myself back up ...once again

damn it hurts, i'm getting tired.  i getting old they like to remind me.  not the lovers just the haters.  lovers remind me age is just a number its what we feel inside that matters.  smile, let's breath that pain away together.  practicality reminds you numbers & percent and basic math all exist as does time.  broken again you know their still remains time.

some say the end is near, just the haters you think but to them I say true.  as near is the end as is the closeness of a new beginning.  broken now, I still remember the feeling of health.  good feeling taken from me, I did not forget what it was to have just because I now know the terror of not having.  I still side with the lovers, even when wrong it believe we can all eventually get it right.  I get back up

what more do you want from me though.  because I love life I continue to do what I do.  look for yourself, I can only show you my way. understand, if you continue to take from me you can only obtain so much.  I am broken but continue to heal

Getting Old - Drinking 40 year old Tawny

i'm drinking port and feeling old, i should be enjoying whiskey.  my arm is in a sling, the result of a fall this morning. unable to finish the day on skis, it is beginning to sink in that i'll also miss the coming storm.  I need another gulp of port.  suddenly my heart hurts more than my shoulder.

having turned thirty-nine two days prior, age has been on my mind lately.  needing help getting dressed and undressed, only able to type with one hand and feeling cranky because i'm sore has old age starring back at me when I look in the mirror.  have another drink old man... cheers

as i sip this time both my nose and my palate are greeted with impressions of nutmeg, roasted coffee and a joyful nuttiness. my mind lingers on the wine´s rich, intense, voluptuous, almost viscous texture, culminates in a finish of incredible length.  this wine still has room to grow but it drinks well now.  glancing at the label the number 40 stands out.  smiling i take another drink, this one to numb my shoulder.  I aint old yet.

"fine wine," a voice whispers in my ear, "fine wine."  we're just getting better with age

Take a Drink - Back to Politics as Usual

pick a bottle of wine, any wine and take a big'o drink. trust me, would I steer you wrong.
besides doesn't a drink sound good right now.  finally free from election ads we can get back to politics as usual.  do nothing, just bitch at each other.  it's like we have teenage kids running our government.  no wine for them, to immature to handle the complexity of a fine wine anyway.

our current starring match between the two parties is what they'd like to call a fiscal cliff.  the economy will take a hit because the government will cease to function at the end of the year since we have no money.  "to tax or not to tax, that is the question."  actually, that is straw man argument people like to thrown in the mix, taxes yes, who to tax that is the question.

think about that for a moment and then remember how much money was just spend on elections.  think about where all that treasure and energy went and what it went for.  Like I said, take a drink of wine, you'll want to wash that taste down.  also note: all that time as they used to bashed each other and meanwhile made promises of a better future, neither side was doing anything to prepare for the "cliff" that they all knew we were approaching.  now it's here.  we have no money.  and nobody wants to pay for it.  so the treat is let's just sit here until we, not blink and fall off this thing.

normally in a democracy that's not a bad idea, we are after all in it together, UNITED.  but honestly most of us (I hear about 99%) are just now getting our balance back.  jumping of a cliff doesn't sound like the best idea to me.  let's those folks settle in before you make them do something crazy.  instead maybe it's time we put our money where our mouth is and stand-up for the country we believe in.  simple just make a wise decision.  they don't need to scares us, all we asked is that they lead us.  And when I follow you, just be cool don't try to break me, how about we stay away from that cliff.

More Divine than Wine - Gotta Love

i feel a feeling beginning to brew and yes i know you feel it too. relax, breath and be aware.  are you feeling that feeling yet because you can't feel it until you let yourself... go

stop holding yourself back, all those little things in life and yes they are little, pile on and seem like an insurmountable force hold us back.  we call it stress but you should recognize it as fear.  people prey on it, your feeling of fear, don't let them.  their is a stronger feeling to feel, look inside yourself and find it, trust it, embrace it.

don't let doubt take hold, instead find your faith.  if you've lost it you are lost which is not a good place to be, come out of that darkness I have a hug for you... now do you feel it, when I hold you, when someone else holds you, when you hold you in high regard.  you should you know, believe in yourself.  don't doubt that.

let go your doubt, breath, step beyond your fear, relax, be aware of what their is to feel.  find the good stuff and let that energy grow.  right now close your eyes and let yourself go. stop doubting that it's there, you feel it.  don't fear it because you aren't use to it, feel it, it is good.  relax into it now that you aware of it, you know this feeling. go with it.

now you feel that feeling begin to brew and yes I feel it too. together we can do this, let's spread the LOVE.

Lost to Transition

we all have reason's for what we like.  what we don't like, and why we do what it is we do.  I don't have to agree with yours, nor should you have to agree with mine.  just here me out because I love fall.  unlike all those stupid kids that always cheered for summer cuz it meant no school.  I saw the big picture, shit like school was gonna come and go but it aint going to ruin me, I like fall.  push me down and call it autumn i'll look you in the eyes and say i like fall...

I have more to say but i don't feel like typing. it's not a debate it is how i feel i like fall, harvest, football, thanksgiving, the return of mountain snow

i done with this unfinished post fall is upon us i have other things to do

Cheers, Cheers, Cheers - Beat the Ducks

I'm getting drunk on wine and I'm all worked up... I hate the university of oregon football.  that shouldn't be a surprise because here is my reasoning. But before I can start people always wonder why I could hate a little hippie school from the pacific northwest.  what's not to like they ask; small liberal arts school, prefontaine, green... they're just ducks. Exactly I say.  I need more wine if I'm to discuss the f'n ducks.

hate for their football team does not reflect how I feel about the state, the town, the school, the people that go there, my many friends that graduated from the school, or even some of the players in the past.  (keep it real for t-town bobby moore) why I hate UofO duck football is because they represent everything wrong with NCAA football today.  yep, they are the biggest hypocrites in the Pac12 if not on the planet.

it wasn't always like that.  it use to be all students get in the game free.  they played by the rules and won a few games.  had some great players and did some good things.  they had some tradition but winning big games wasn't one of them.  quick to call other schools cheaters and criminals they built a culture around vulgarity.  "you knew going to autzen meant running into hostile fans." kids would use profanity while parents would spit.  it was less then becoming of a "liberal hippie school", but hey this is football.

the devil came along one day and they made a deal.  phil knight and nike realized they couldn't own an NFL team so they'd settle for the next best thing.  a football team designed to sell more product.  quickly oregon became the cheats they once despised and nurtured criminals to bring in the Ws.  They embraced everything they once hated and still continued to hated more then the rest.  Win at all costs, who needs a soul when you have a national title?

thankfully they don't have a title, nor do they have a long list of rose bowl victory (now or in the past).  they might have lots of uniforms and tons of media attention, they even still have rabid fans but the other thing they still lack, a soul.  the small hippie school sold that long ago.  And that's why I hate the ducks.

Aint No Slave - Give me the Juice

I am not a slave.  so asked the question I do not remember the days of slavery.  I do think about them though, wondering what it felt like.  to not be free, no man should have to endure such mental bondage.  and yet I am no free man.  none of are.

their are days I feel owned economically.  at times it is the government that it feels controls me.  other moments it time I feel indentured to my family.  these pains can grip us, stealing away our confidence and tying us to other demons for support we can willingly become slaves.

Do What I Do - Drink Wine

who gives a fuck, you pick the bottle...

what can I say, does it matter, it is what I do. just words, my thoughts.  the truth comes with the action. choose how you experience me but how can you... you don't know me.  you know just my words.

I let you in my head though and this is what you see... you hear my thoughts, you read them, they arrive as a post; it doesn't matter what they are it matters how you experience them.  I have no control of that, I only hope to communicate what resides inside me.  seeing some of the shit that comes out of me though, I worry.  It doesn't matter though, it is what I do  

I say the dumbest shit, but who doesn't like attention.  sometimes though, it all goes the wrong way, you miss communicate and shit not only comes back, it's dropped on you.  covered in it now, it is hard to communicate cause you appear full of it.  all you can to is clean yourself off and figure out where the shit came from, you.  living in shit is no way to live.

I haven't been drinking much wine lately.  maybe I should bath in it for awhile.  anything to wash the shit off would be nice.  I don't care, you pick the bottle.  pour it on me, baptize me in it.  enjoy it as we wash away my sins.  I'll be clean for a moment but I hope we both realize it won't last.  I'll miss communicate cause I say the dumbest shit.  sadly, it is what I do.

Blue Moon - Rare You Think

once in a blue moon, is how the saying goes.  a rare moment, a powerful time in the heavens, something you don't see everyday, a moment that you should pay attention to.  given this type of thinking, the event of a blue moon becomes an important moment in time, something the spell-casting farmer in me knows is a great time for magic.

alone, in my quiet, I'm allowed time to think, meditate.  a world of my own creating in my head.  my wants and desires arise in this dream state.  as do my pains and hurts.  fear creeps into these thoughts too. usually I would call it stress, choosing to suppress it with a special bottle (or two) of wine.  here though, in the power of this moment, I choose clarity.  I face my fears.  scary at first until I learn to live with my past.  each story a little demons needing to be put to bed. they are scary too until I learn to meet them and thus myself with love.  it is, after all my past, why not love it, only I understand the reality of it. especially here, in this power of this moment inside my head, in the world of my own creating, this meditative space.

i decide fear is no longer welcome here, in this world.  neither is laziness, shame, self-doubt, guilt and any of the unruly friends fear might try to bring along to try to hold me back.  I take my power back from fear, rather than being a slave to it, I challenge fear to teach me it's secrets.  fear becomes a co-creator in my greatest adventures.

At peace with my past I can live in my present towards a future of my creating.  this is a meditation that begins tonight, but it need not stay in my head.  I can learn to live it, speak it, share it with those around me.  the magic of tonight shows me the possibility of this reality.

for the rest of tonight I choose to remain alone.  I have a blue moon to enjoy