Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Do Thine Eyes Deceive Thee

frozen peas on my shoulder, thanks to my fall I can only wear shirts now that button up. Starring at myself in the mirror I think I look ridiculous. Goggle tanned face, my hair longer than it's been since my jesus year, to me it looks as though I am falling apart. the only complement I can find for myself in the moment is at least I recently shaved my face. overall, this reflection of self looks pathetic.

it is once again march and for the second year in a row my ability to ski has been limited. though I am happy in life, I'm left wanting. an empty feeling, a void created by an unhealed lose continues to haunt me. I hang a large and mostly false smile on my face. eyes, beautiful blue eyes still hold my imagination. I need only close mine to see those now distant blue eyes still looking at me. it is but a reflection they see, I see, we all see; a matter of perspective I guess.

running my hand through my hair I examine this vision of self more closely. moving my mouth, squinting my eyes, turning my head I study how I move, how it feels to move, what it looks like for that body before me to be moved. sitting here does nothing for me, not like this. I'm stagnant, wounded, out of touch, so I growl at the fool in the mirror. he is not me. he is just an image, a vision of what I choose not to be. I remind myself I can choose how I see myself.  holding true to my vision can then help other see that me as well. it's time to get back to work.  standing I walk to the next room admiring the grace I catch in the mirror of this new motion.

take another look at me now eyes, see what you are missing

1 comment:

Scott Bell said...

...and this image will heal. But in the end it's up to you what image returns. How many mountain people have you seen that you don't want to be? You always have a choice.

Today when I asked a stranger "how's it going" he said "Every day is great." Delusional fool. I punched him in the psychic baby eyeball. Every day is what you make of it, but only special days deserve to be great.

So what's today going to be for you? Healing or not?