Monday, October 24, 2011

All You Got is What You Believe You Got - I Gotta Beleive

Surrounded by words, what do you say when you can't talk, in search of my voice, I listen to music to find it...  Alright Ms Nicks, I'm ready to be "washed clean." I'm stuck somewhere between "what I had and what I lost". Even though I understand the impermanence of life, this episode has been a hard pill to shallow. Yes "women, they will come and they will go" but as the song shifts consciousness, I wonders when she has "bette davis eyes" how can one let her go... the musical meditation plays on.

I take a sip from the bottle. the tannic taste of the washington merlot has a slight warming sensation to my throat. in the state I'm in it's good to know I can still feel. I'm lost. I'm vulnerable. I still can't believe she is gone, she? The wine hits my stomach now and those eyes return to my mind, watching. Big, Blue, haunting, I feel like I'm stand at the foot of my Great Gatsby. it all weighs heavy, a large pull from the bottle does nothing to reduce the weight but I allow myself to enjoy the juice anyway.

new lyrics in my head work to remind me, "yesterday's gone... yesterday's gone... oooh don't you look back"

half a bottle gone or half a bottle to go, the task I've chosen to keep my mind busy is all about perspective. I put the bottle down to grab my pen. the notebook before me is filling quicker then I can drain the bottle next to me. If it is all about those eyes, then all I can do is write, this story needs a better ending. I will not except a tragedy, the world is full of to many right now. "i wanna get next to you." spins through my mind now, so I write, write and write till my hand is sore, the bottle dry and my aching heart goes numb,... for now

spent I close my eyes relaxing into the next tune... "aint no woman like the one I got"

tapping my foot all I have left is a belief in what I "got"... drifting into the moment, "I'll kiss the ground she walks on" is exactly how I feel.

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