Home in the Mountains

humbled, i celebrate this solstice alone. the half moon over head lights the winter wilderness around me.  it's not the end of the world, it is just the beginning of a new life for me.

my walk in the woods became a walk down memory lane. retracing big steps in my life i look toward the direction they where going. finding them there in the future, my present, i realize the events in one's life takes you where you are going, it is up to you to make your intentions clear.

i am on the path that i want, i've created the world we had planned.  i am here now enjoying meditating in nature, on this the longest night of the year.  what happened to that old life i wonder now that i live on the other side of the transitioning moon.  i guess it is not for me to know anymore

i put down fresh tracks in the snow, these mountains are my home

Are We - Love Drink Wine

instantly we are connected but are we.  i sat with family tonight, days like today make you want to do that.  one more hug.  it was there in the presidents face, speaking to the nation he was thinking of his own daughters and wondering what is this world coming to.  how has it become this disconnected that a day like today can happen.  a "news person's" words made me think, you wouldn't expect it to happen in this type of community.

isn't america the wealthiest nation on the planet, i'm in the mountains and I discussed wine with my brother who lives in the bay what wine to drink tonight. after a shitty day like today you want something beautiful to drink.  he and his wife shared a fine bottle, a great value pick-up. a wine we once found at a gas station on the way to a husky tailgate so it hold extra meaning to us.  but the ridiculousness of a wine debate only feeds the image of this nations wealth.

if I was drinking it would be a bottle of la spinetta vigneto starderi barbaresco 2004, the last in my collection but who cares share the love.  I opened the big rhino, leaving it on the counter.  it is like a cut flower now, over time it will open and enough friends will pass that it will be appreciated. a beautiful wine like this is to be enjoyed, it must be allowed to breath for it to reach it's full potential.  wine, again we are a nation of wealth we can connect millions of miles away or with a neighbor next door.  we can sit down with family via video screen, just chat.  when i describe a wine and you drink it in, we are connected instantly aren't we.

connection is that easy isn't it.  we talk wine across the country, allow ourselves a moment to take a drink. inhale, we pause. those that chose not to take of the sacrament are no different then we.  connected enough if we all pause long enough for the moment to drink.  in that time think not of self, think not of fear, think not of other we all belong here. just enjoy, push your love out. can't you feel their is plenty of room.  no, is it too much not enough something just doesn't feel right, let's talk.  i'm willing to take the time to connect instantly, are we.

share a hug - i'm pausing to drink

Just Numbers, Just Life, Be Present - Drink Wine

one two, one two, one two, we march toward the end.  they say it happens (the end) this coming two one, shortest day of the year. switch up the beat and people are thrown off I guess.

but is the different beat really the end of all things or is it just the start of something new.  half full, half empty is the on going debate when people see the glass.  I like to think it's just half enjoyed which means we are nowhere near the end.  we are just currently in the process of loving life.  neither there or there but here, in the present, a tough place for most people to be.  admittedly i don't like to be here alone, the present seems so much more fulfilling when we have someone to share it with. it's a gift to share, the present.

here, i'll give it to you to enjoy. my present has a little more wine to consume. 12 12 12 the numbers are here, be present to it and enjoy.  add it together three, three, three or call it 9, series of twelve is how some see it. whatever it is to you let it be that but be it, live it, find your joy.  take another sip and drop the glass past just half cause it's here for you, my present (or is it yours).  breath it in, taste the lingering finish, let it warm you from the inside out, get drunk off it if you'd like, it's just life.  it is to be lived not thought of as numbers.  one two one two one two, call it a day of 3 twelves.  I see cases of wine but what matters is the beat goes on. 12-12-12...

one more sip i'll refill your glass we have time and a little more wine, this is life so drink it in

Dream - I'm Dreaming

i'm dreaming, ...a soundtrack lifts my soul as I float. downhill through the trees, I'm a ball of white. it is beautiful.  my excitement wakes me. opening one lazy eye the room is still dark, out of focus.  shutting my eye I breath deep, tomorrow will wait I'm off to another dream

she is on the beach.  it warms me to know she is there.  I'm in the water playing in the waves.  giving in to the sea my body flows, relaxed.  I dive, I surf, I splash, now and then I glance over to admire her, stretched out basking in the sun, she is beautiful.  the joy of her closeness wakes me.  my jaw hangs heavy, a touch of drool escapes the right corner of my mouth.  whipping my lip I roll over retuning to sleep, I'm dreaming

in the city now, I'm walking in the rain.  crowds of people push past, heads down they choose not to see me.  headphones in I rock my tunes as I step onto a crowded bus.  packed together we travel, each to our own beat.  at every stop dreary souls join as discourage ones leave.  where are we going I wonder... surely my alarm will soon wake me but for now I remain asleep  

What Do You Want - I Want To Heal

what more do they want from me, you've taken it all.  beat to the ground i pick myself backup again.  i've felt this mistake, i've know it when it was my fault and i've seen when it was just the percentages catching back up, you know its gonna happen so busted i pick myself back up ...once again

damn it hurts, i'm getting tired.  i getting old they like to remind me.  not the lovers just the haters.  lovers remind me age is just a number its what we feel inside that matters.  smile, let's breath that pain away together.  practicality reminds you numbers & percent and basic math all exist as does time.  broken again you know their still remains time.

some say the end is near, just the haters you think but to them I say true.  as near is the end as is the closeness of a new beginning.  broken now, I still remember the feeling of health.  good feeling taken from me, I did not forget what it was to have just because I now know the terror of not having.  I still side with the lovers, even when wrong it believe we can all eventually get it right.  I get back up

what more do you want from me though.  because I love life I continue to do what I do.  look for yourself, I can only show you my way. understand, if you continue to take from me you can only obtain so much.  I am broken but continue to heal

Getting Old - Drinking 40 year old Tawny

i'm drinking port and feeling old, i should be enjoying whiskey.  my arm is in a sling, the result of a fall this morning. unable to finish the day on skis, it is beginning to sink in that i'll also miss the coming storm.  I need another gulp of port.  suddenly my heart hurts more than my shoulder.

having turned thirty-nine two days prior, age has been on my mind lately.  needing help getting dressed and undressed, only able to type with one hand and feeling cranky because i'm sore has old age starring back at me when I look in the mirror.  have another drink old man... cheers

as i sip this time both my nose and my palate are greeted with impressions of nutmeg, roasted coffee and a joyful nuttiness. my mind lingers on the wine´s rich, intense, voluptuous, almost viscous texture, culminates in a finish of incredible length.  this wine still has room to grow but it drinks well now.  glancing at the label the number 40 stands out.  smiling i take another drink, this one to numb my shoulder.  I aint old yet.

"fine wine," a voice whispers in my ear, "fine wine."  we're just getting better with age

Take a Drink - Back to Politics as Usual

pick a bottle of wine, any wine and take a big'o drink. trust me, would I steer you wrong.
besides doesn't a drink sound good right now.  finally free from election ads we can get back to politics as usual.  do nothing, just bitch at each other.  it's like we have teenage kids running our government.  no wine for them, to immature to handle the complexity of a fine wine anyway.

our current starring match between the two parties is what they'd like to call a fiscal cliff.  the economy will take a hit because the government will cease to function at the end of the year since we have no money.  "to tax or not to tax, that is the question."  actually, that is straw man argument people like to thrown in the mix, taxes yes, who to tax that is the question.

think about that for a moment and then remember how much money was just spend on elections.  think about where all that treasure and energy went and what it went for.  Like I said, take a drink of wine, you'll want to wash that taste down.  also note: all that time as they used to bashed each other and meanwhile made promises of a better future, neither side was doing anything to prepare for the "cliff" that they all knew we were approaching.  now it's here.  we have no money.  and nobody wants to pay for it.  so the treat is let's just sit here until we, not blink and fall off this thing.

normally in a democracy that's not a bad idea, we are after all in it together, UNITED.  but honestly most of us (I hear about 99%) are just now getting our balance back.  jumping of a cliff doesn't sound like the best idea to me.  let's those folks settle in before you make them do something crazy.  instead maybe it's time we put our money where our mouth is and stand-up for the country we believe in.  simple just make a wise decision.  they don't need to scares us, all we asked is that they lead us.  And when I follow you, just be cool don't try to break me, how about we stay away from that cliff.

More Divine than Wine - Gotta Love

i feel a feeling beginning to brew and yes i know you feel it too. relax, breath and be aware.  are you feeling that feeling yet because you can't feel it until you let yourself... go

stop holding yourself back, all those little things in life and yes they are little, pile on and seem like an insurmountable force hold us back.  we call it stress but you should recognize it as fear.  people prey on it, your feeling of fear, don't let them.  their is a stronger feeling to feel, look inside yourself and find it, trust it, embrace it.

don't let doubt take hold, instead find your faith.  if you've lost it you are lost which is not a good place to be, come out of that darkness I have a hug for you... now do you feel it, when I hold you, when someone else holds you, when you hold you in high regard.  you should you know, believe in yourself.  don't doubt that.

let go your doubt, breath, step beyond your fear, relax, be aware of what their is to feel.  find the good stuff and let that energy grow.  right now close your eyes and let yourself go. stop doubting that it's there, you feel it.  don't fear it because you aren't use to it, feel it, it is good.  relax into it now that you aware of it, you know this feeling. go with it.

now you feel that feeling begin to brew and yes I feel it too. together we can do this, let's spread the LOVE.

Lost to Transition

we all have reason's for what we like.  what we don't like, and why we do what it is we do.  I don't have to agree with yours, nor should you have to agree with mine.  just here me out because I love fall.  unlike all those stupid kids that always cheered for summer cuz it meant no school.  I saw the big picture, shit like school was gonna come and go but it aint going to ruin me, I like fall.  push me down and call it autumn i'll look you in the eyes and say i like fall...

I have more to say but i don't feel like typing. it's not a debate it is how i feel i like fall, harvest, football, thanksgiving, the return of mountain snow

i done with this unfinished post fall is upon us i have other things to do

Cheers, Cheers, Cheers - Beat the Ducks

I'm getting drunk on wine and I'm all worked up... I hate the university of oregon football.  that shouldn't be a surprise because here is my reasoning. But before I can start people always wonder why I could hate a little hippie school from the pacific northwest.  what's not to like they ask; small liberal arts school, prefontaine, green... they're just ducks. Exactly I say.  I need more wine if I'm to discuss the f'n ducks.

hate for their football team does not reflect how I feel about the state, the town, the school, the people that go there, my many friends that graduated from the school, or even some of the players in the past.  (keep it real for t-town bobby moore) why I hate UofO duck football is because they represent everything wrong with NCAA football today.  yep, they are the biggest hypocrites in the Pac12 if not on the planet.

it wasn't always like that.  it use to be all students get in the game free.  they played by the rules and won a few games.  had some great players and did some good things.  they had some tradition but winning big games wasn't one of them.  quick to call other schools cheaters and criminals they built a culture around vulgarity.  "you knew going to autzen meant running into hostile fans." kids would use profanity while parents would spit.  it was less then becoming of a "liberal hippie school", but hey this is football.

the devil came along one day and they made a deal.  phil knight and nike realized they couldn't own an NFL team so they'd settle for the next best thing.  a football team designed to sell more product.  quickly oregon became the cheats they once despised and nurtured criminals to bring in the Ws.  They embraced everything they once hated and still continued to hated more then the rest.  Win at all costs, who needs a soul when you have a national title?

thankfully they don't have a title, nor do they have a long list of rose bowl victory (now or in the past).  they might have lots of uniforms and tons of media attention, they even still have rabid fans but the other thing they still lack, a soul.  the small hippie school sold that long ago.  And that's why I hate the ducks.

Aint No Slave - Give me the Juice

I am not a slave.  so asked the question I do not remember the days of slavery.  I do think about them though, wondering what it felt like.  to not be free, no man should have to endure such mental bondage.  and yet I am no free man.  none of are.

their are days I feel owned economically.  at times it is the government that it feels controls me.  other moments it time I feel indentured to my family.  these pains can grip us, stealing away our confidence and tying us to other demons for support we can willingly become slaves.

Do What I Do - Drink Wine

who gives a fuck, you pick the bottle...

what can I say, does it matter, it is what I do. just words, my thoughts.  the truth comes with the action. choose how you experience me but how can you... you don't know me.  you know just my words.

I let you in my head though and this is what you see... you hear my thoughts, you read them, they arrive as a post; it doesn't matter what they are it matters how you experience them.  I have no control of that, I only hope to communicate what resides inside me.  seeing some of the shit that comes out of me though, I worry.  It doesn't matter though, it is what I do  

I say the dumbest shit, but who doesn't like attention.  sometimes though, it all goes the wrong way, you miss communicate and shit not only comes back, it's dropped on you.  covered in it now, it is hard to communicate cause you appear full of it.  all you can to is clean yourself off and figure out where the shit came from, you.  living in shit is no way to live.

I haven't been drinking much wine lately.  maybe I should bath in it for awhile.  anything to wash the shit off would be nice.  I don't care, you pick the bottle.  pour it on me, baptize me in it.  enjoy it as we wash away my sins.  I'll be clean for a moment but I hope we both realize it won't last.  I'll miss communicate cause I say the dumbest shit.  sadly, it is what I do.

Blue Moon - Rare You Think

once in a blue moon, is how the saying goes.  a rare moment, a powerful time in the heavens, something you don't see everyday, a moment that you should pay attention to.  given this type of thinking, the event of a blue moon becomes an important moment in time, something the spell-casting farmer in me knows is a great time for magic.

alone, in my quiet, I'm allowed time to think, meditate.  a world of my own creating in my head.  my wants and desires arise in this dream state.  as do my pains and hurts.  fear creeps into these thoughts too. usually I would call it stress, choosing to suppress it with a special bottle (or two) of wine.  here though, in the power of this moment, I choose clarity.  I face my fears.  scary at first until I learn to live with my past.  each story a little demons needing to be put to bed. they are scary too until I learn to meet them and thus myself with love.  it is, after all my past, why not love it, only I understand the reality of it. especially here, in this power of this moment inside my head, in the world of my own creating, this meditative space.

i decide fear is no longer welcome here, in this world.  neither is laziness, shame, self-doubt, guilt and any of the unruly friends fear might try to bring along to try to hold me back.  I take my power back from fear, rather than being a slave to it, I challenge fear to teach me it's secrets.  fear becomes a co-creator in my greatest adventures.

At peace with my past I can live in my present towards a future of my creating.  this is a meditation that begins tonight, but it need not stay in my head.  I can learn to live it, speak it, share it with those around me.  the magic of tonight shows me the possibility of this reality.

for the rest of tonight I choose to remain alone.  I have a blue moon to enjoy  

One, Sacred One - Wine

wine sure has done a number on my life.  once I got serious about the juice the juice began transforming me.  I started writing about it.  then came to realize I was just writing about me. 

it starts innocently, stupid stories about drinking a bottle of wine. drunk, your own thoughts seem important enough to write down.  "who care's" i'd think, "no one is going to read this shit." and then she does but by then I don't care.

I started to write, drink, think, and drink some more wine.  it was work but I had to write so I drank.  wine spoke to me about life, rhythm, flow, love.  all seemed so symmetrical in my world, a drank and enjoyed  ...i began to chase labels.  you'd see one, you'd hear about one or read about another but some how some way a label would catch my attention so I'd have to have it, so I would. I would just make it happen.  some took longer than others but eventually I learned to get whatever it was a wanted.  thankfully, I've since learned to make sober choices about what I need in life

wine and I have done some crazy shit.  the story we've started is an interesting one, at least it is to me.  from bum, to farmer, to corsair to what I've become.  all just stories to you the reader, yet epic tales to those that shared them with me.  drunk on divine juice you tend to meet characters.  through them I found it easy to become whatever I wanted to be. wine having given me the power to have whatever I wanted, I found myself in an interesting predicament.  I could shape the world, if only I could find my authentic voice.  that much power is intoxicating, so you have to stay true to yourself.  those are my thoughts at least, as I tell them.

but no one reads them and I don't care who does anyway.  I just hope my kids do cause I've heard tales of them before they were born.  I wonder how much our stories will match-up.  that's all it is in life, belief

wine sure has done a number on me, a sacred one

Where is She, my Fine Glass of Wine

it's been awhile since I enjoyed a wine of unique substance.  bottles with pretty labels I've had plenty.  it feels like popular wines are all I drink these days, something to impress the guests.  I've splurged and indulged in a few fancy bottles.  worth every penny of course but generally not a wine one would want to imbibe day after day after day.  instead I'm left feeling my life has become a journey of basic juice.  from one bottle to the next, I enjoy what I can but can't find that beauty I'm really looking for.  where is she, the wine I seek.

a mountain of glass in the recycling bin reminds me that my search has not been a lack of trying.  just not lucky enough to find what I'm looking for I guess.  I pick up bottles on a daily basis, something about them catches my eye and I want to make that bottle mine, so I do.  some I consume right away, others I wait, hoping that with time the right moment will capture the beauty of wine hidden inside.  instead I find my life has become a series of blessed moments, fun for sure, but nothing of substance.

Please don't misunderstand this rant, my life needn't be defined by a bottle.  Nor is a glass of wine going to make everything suddenly better.  with our without this intoxicating juice I get by just fine. 

still indulgements in life are the spice that makes for living.  I love how wine enhances the a meal. catching the scent of a freshly poured glass can move me to smile.  I can loose myself watch sunlight dance with wine in a glass.  And then the taste, a complex full of character wine will bring all my senses alive.  wordless, a great sip takes me inward as I enjoy the magic.  wine is a special union of human and nature expressed through a drink.  divine is life with wine so I continue to seek another glass.

Clearing Space - Il Nero di Casanova

I aint gonna carry that.  no way, it's to big, heavy, unessential baggage.
it's easy to speak such truth when planning a hike in the mountains.  only take what you need, because this is your stuff to bare. choose wisely.  it make sense, it all make sense doesn't it, in your head at least.

in life it all makes sense too, what we choose to carry, the baggage from the past we are willing to bare, at least in your head.

sitting with a glass of wine I'm repacking my gear.  I can go lighter

Oh Oh It's Magic - and a glass of T3

whenever I leave her place she sends me off with magical accouterments.  they ward off the fashion police.  she has the ability to make things cuter, even me.  I choose to rock it like a tough guy though and that's where the magic happens.  she casts her spell and the ladies flock to me, so I've learned to go with it.

I'm at the bar writing when I really should be reading.  I just haven't written in in so long that it feels good to finally put my thoughts on paper rather than filling my head with someone else's words.  So I do what I want, write and enjoy a glass of wine.

I'm in a public man cave, a old dive bar that my grandpa use to get drunk at.  It tends to be more of a hipster hangout these days but on this sunny mid-week after noon guys that would have like to drink with grandpa are gathered, they arrive in twos.  they've come to feed their beer guts and work their farmers tans.  I'm they only one drinking wine.  It's a nicely balanced blend with lots of dark fruit flavors that as a by the glass wine just aren't done justice.  this is a bottle best enjoyed among friends.  the place and moment are not doing this wine justice.

Nor is my outfit she would think.  why waste the magic she sent me out the door with in a place like this.  agreed is my reply to her voice in my head, but I'm finishing my wine.  Patience it turns out is a virtue.  when I'm finally putting any empty glass down to walk out the door we connect.  even in here the magic work.  I shouldn't be surprised anymore, I already know that under the charms of her spell they can't help but flock to me.  I can't pull away now, this new beauty lovely brown eyes catch my gaze once more.  what's a guy to do but continue to ride the flow. 

That's Just the Way It Is - Vietti Roero Arneis

...bass, bass, the bump, the thump, the rhythm pouring into my body through my bones into my soul, it transforms how I move so I strut. and now the vibe flows out, from me to those around me.  they can feel it.  we dance

when I'm here, it's a intoxicating place to be... for everyone.  I'm on the edge, poised to break on through to life on the other side.  don't worry, I'm bringing the entire party with me.  what's up... what scares you. getting old?

let yourself feel it, let go, you don't need everything you are holding on to, it's just stuff holding you back.  I know that's what it does to me; weighs me down.  I find it's hard to dance with an albatross around my neck, life is lighter when you bling.  not with diamonds, watches and things.  my pressence is anounced by my aura, my vibe, my flow in life...

not feeling it, take a sip of Vietti Roero Arneis.  allow the sweet nectar to slide down the back of your throat.  relax.  breath. close your eyes and smile.  now wave and wave and wave, show me what you got. we roll

Open the Bottle, Let the Summer Out - àMaurice Cellars Viognier

it's the end of a month, which means a new one starts tomorrow.  a time of transition.  this year more than most it feels like a new season begins in the morning.  so I celebrate that feeling, rather wait for it to happen I select a tasty white to bring the new day forward.

àMaurice Cellars 2010 Viognier from the columbia valley finds it's way into my hand.  as soon as I release this genie from the bottle notes of lemon and hints of oak fill my nose.  drinking white is always a change of pace for me and this white perfectly hails in the transition.  bright, fresh, flavors of peaches and nectarines excite the pallete before giving way to a full, slightly voluminous finish.  Hello Summer.

I examine the pale gold juice in my glass.  like looking into a crystal ball I can see the sun rise of the long warm days of summer fun that will soon consume my days.  pausing before I drink it all in, I cheers myself.  Life is good and it's about to get better.  along the way we'll have plenty of fine wine to enjoy.

If You Want to Sing Out Sing Out - Be Free

I'm back in limbo. like everyone else in this place I impatiently wait to have my number called.  I can hardly wait, I want out of here.  I feel stuck.

My Life, my story, my sense of being in control is gone or at the very least temporarily on hold.  I stare at the big monitor hoping to see A340 appear on the screen.  instead A323 flashes, followed by R17 and then much later E112.  Four more numbers pass before the next one starting with A appears.  Finally we've reached A324, yet it is a far cry from my desired 340.  This is suffering.

Strangely, I take solace in the fact that I do not suffer alone.  A room of us sit in uncomfortable plastic chairs, fixated by a screen.  hungry watching, we wait for our secret number to appear.  Bingo, eyes light up when someone learns it's their turn to escape, in that moment they are the big winner.  the rest of us are left to wait.  the only ones seemingly enjoying themselves are the children among us; running between the rows of chairs, dancing in the open space or finding some curious wonder to play with. 

to me it's just a dirty hair-tie but to the tiny being before me that nasty piece of garbage is a world of entertainment.  I'm also annoyed with the little girl running, round and round and round again.  pushing and bumping her way past the rest of us who dutifully sit, waiting out the rest of our sentence.  In fact, even the dancing boy bothers me.  Perhaps I'm just jealous of his freedom, all of their freedom.  Their willingness to express themselves despite my judgments makes me re-examine my perception of reality. 

letting go my suffering I begin to realize what the children already seem to know.  The authentic self, a willingness to voice that freedom, especially here in limbo has power.  the kids transformed their reality, they are not suffering like the rest of us.  they are living in the moment, creating a reality that feeds their enjoyment.  relaxing my judgment I watch these happy little people with fresh eyes.  the story they choose to write is for them, not for me.  I have chosen a joyless tale were I suffer, the victim of my own creating.  this is silly, I have given away my voice.  suddenly the bell rings, a new number is revealed.  my time is over, they summon me to counter one, it is my time to go

For Pete's Sake - Would U Get After It

you can't force what you are going to write, you kinda just have to go with it. the idea is to let it flow.  meaning is all there in the text if you let it out. edit later but it's best when you just let it go. the first answer is the best answer when you are making an educated guess.

once you find that rhythm and you are willing to let it flow out then you can begin to tinker with it. I always imagine how it sounds,...if it were music. what is the voice, the swagger of the speaker and why do we want to listen to it. next I like to see how it looks, is it short enough or am I rambling. sometimes you gotta ramble cuz people just don't get it. when you hit all those things right, something that sounds good, something that pleases the eye and that same something also manages to have a depth to it, a something that will draw me back, that is something ...something to pay attention to.

around things like that, usually there is magic.

sometimes it just isn't the time to write, you can't force that either. you can try. squeeze tight enough and surely we can force a little more toothpaste from this dry tube. at least that's my guess, however uneducated it may sound.

And then their are deadlines.  left with a dry tube and no magic I turn to a bottle of (add wine you'd like to hawk [here]) tasty juice (cut and paste tasting notes).  after a sip or two a good one makes me crave a second glass. templates thus are key.  they works and help you to live to write another day. a story is nothing to stress about it's just words, to me living it is what writing is all about.  So be it ink or wine, just let it flow, let go and get after it 

Living For Today - Life in Peace

it's sunday night before memorial day and I can't sleep. sundays have been rough times lately which makes no sense to me at all, but it's fact. sundays can be emotional. all day it seems my thoughts have haunted me, silly stuff but big stuff to me. of course that how we are in america, pretty self absorbed. at least I know I can be at times. my drive for this or that, the drive that gets me to the top can also cause me to forget to see other things along the way.

of course we can't see it all. that's why at times we need to stop, step outside of self, pause to remember, embrace the cliche. ritual it feels is a lost art in our world, time for peace, quite, reflection is seldom taken. lost in our own problems we tend to forget. give us an excuse and we'll shop instead. So they give us a holiday and tomorrow we will take it. Slipping my grandfathers dog-tag back around my neck I realize it's time to get serious for a minute... it's not just about me

Memorial Day is all about remembering the dead. people that gave their life in war, supporting this country. I think about all those I've lost. I think about my grandfather, who after surviving as a guerrilla warrior in WWII became a career soldier in the US military in order to bring his family, my father, the roots of my family to the states.

But we all know people that have done amazing things in their life, made sacrifices, made our lifestyle possible. I think of all the veterans of the many ages that fought to protect our nation. It seems we loose more of them every year. the sole survivor of "the last great war - the war to end all wars" past this year. of course war continues as does death. and even sadly though we find war aids death the race to the end continues. even for those that survive combat, statistics demonstrate they can expect a shorter lifespan. we need to look no further than "desert storm" to understand the effects of these stats. It's not hard to find someone that served in Iraq, and most of us can think of someone that kicked ass and survived in the first war in Iraq. for me those guys are just memories now, dying at home before their time. war simply put is not healthy. it happens and we can argue at times it has to happen. I choose however to honor those who serve and sacrifice.

So rather then getting all caught up in my head, or just getting lost tomorrow I plan to take note of tomorrow's holiday. I suggest you join too. take a moment if you will, THINK PEACE

Morgante Nero d'Avola Take Me Away

the sun is shining again, warm rays have us all stretching skyward.  it's a good time to grow...
the moon, she is in the sky today also, waning.  I watch as she sets behind a grove of trees on the horizon.  I want to join her there, in the woods among the peacefulness of nature.  instead I feel stuck in the city.  less inspired, less connected, surrounded by people scurrying in all directions.  they seem to have places to be, I on the other hand am left feeling alone.  I am where I'm supposed to be, though I don't feel like I want to be here.  life in the city rolls on.

I need sun on my skin to help me grow.  for to long I've been sitting inside, fingers on the keyboard, mouse in hand searching for truth in the depth of a computer screen. isolated from the outside world the connectedness of the digital world is not real.  touch, taste, smell, have eluded me, I live stuck inside my head.  yet I continue to write, documenting my disdain for the domesticated life.  like a collared dog, I feel fenced in.  frustrated I open a bottle of wine and suddenly my sense are alive.

Spicy dark fruit fills my nose, I feel a slightest tingle as the alcohol passes my lips revealing a surprisingly welcome flavor of leather and licorice.  this a full-body wine who's complexity lingers as each sip passes into memory.  leaving my desk behind I walk out the door, this time taking a swig straight from the bottle.  Replacing the cork I am off.  this pleasant bottle of wine can wait.  I've just freed my mind, it is time for a walk in the light of the mid-day sun.  toward the direction of the long passed moon I travel.  somewhere in the distance nature's knowledge awaits, so I walk on.  I intent to get lost today...

Get Out of My Home If You Don't Cut That Hair

it's getting out of control, the house is a mess, grandma, remember to call grandma, have you done your taxes, bills, ticket, groceries, beer I need a beer... what have I become?
slow the brain down and think, one thing at a time... I need a haircut.
really I need a stylist. my hair is long again and I like it, but it's outta control.

I need someone in my life again who can feel the vibe, keep me in check when I start getting to liberal in life. somebody to remind me about the balance one needs to maintain between this world and the world we live in. in one of them, they call me a dreamer. I just can't remember which because for me the worlds are beginning to blend together. it all seems to be going by so fast. maybe because I'm just running right now, running after a dream. But is it a dream or is it real, because I can taste it. taste it in the air, taste it in the soil. I can feel it on my face, breath it threw my skin, it is all around me, it is so real that I have no choice but to chase after it; so I run.

I'm so excited, so much to do, so many details to consider, plans to put into motions, games to be played. I get lost in the laughter, alone in the fields... in that moment I awake to reality, their's not even grapes on the vine yet, the season is yet to play out.  patience, allow time to let the dream unfold. quit running so hard, it's all in your head, take care of yourself, start with a haircut; I decision I'm not prepared to make that's why I'm asking for a stylist, which takes me back to what have I become?

...I need to stop running through life, I need to start appreciating my time once more. less beer more wine, it's time to remember to drink in the good things in life and enjoy

Turn Turn Trun - To Everything There is a Season

the seasons have changed and it is time to move forward. as winter can be it was a cold time. dark and lonely, I wondered what life was all about. is this all that life has become for me, a struggle to survive, little hope, little light, little in this existance to make you feel warm. ...at least that was my perspective of winter going in the season.

the worst christmas ever I told myself. nagging injuries prevented me from riding as much as I'd like had me questioning myself. moments of humility were I knew I was broke shook my faith. mind-body-soul were all tested as the winter washed over me. But it was the lose of some good friends that hurt me the most. From that perspective we could wallow together in my misery and I wouldn't blame you. it was rough at times...

In honesty though, as the snow melts, giving way to flowers I know I shredded this winter. if the rest of the holidays are half as fun as my worst christmas then I'm living a charmed life. similarly, one is never broke when you have friends like mine, instead you learn to understand what is important to have in life. And though, I might complain about the few days I missed on snow this season, such talk is only the desire of my ego wanting to be heard.  in truth no one rides enough, we all just need to ride as much as can.

friends though, like the seasons they come and go.  it hurts when our time together is through. learning to embrace the impermanence of things however is part of living. So when our time together passes, like any human I will reminisce, choosing to speak well of the good times, laughing about the rough times and forgetting the bad in favor of remember all that was good.

Accepting the passing of the season, I sip from the bottle and think. It was a hell of a winter. I pour a little wine out on the sun warmed concrete, speaking to all my friends not present, "until we meet again, cheers to the coming season."

Do Thine Eyes Deceive Thee

frozen peas on my shoulder, thanks to my fall I can only wear shirts now that button up. Starring at myself in the mirror I think I look ridiculous. Goggle tanned face, my hair longer than it's been since my jesus year, to me it looks as though I am falling apart. the only complement I can find for myself in the moment is at least I recently shaved my face. overall, this reflection of self looks pathetic.

it is once again march and for the second year in a row my ability to ski has been limited. though I am happy in life, I'm left wanting. an empty feeling, a void created by an unhealed lose continues to haunt me. I hang a large and mostly false smile on my face. eyes, beautiful blue eyes still hold my imagination. I need only close mine to see those now distant blue eyes still looking at me. it is but a reflection they see, I see, we all see; a matter of perspective I guess.

running my hand through my hair I examine this vision of self more closely. moving my mouth, squinting my eyes, turning my head I study how I move, how it feels to move, what it looks like for that body before me to be moved. sitting here does nothing for me, not like this. I'm stagnant, wounded, out of touch, so I growl at the fool in the mirror. he is not me. he is just an image, a vision of what I choose not to be. I remind myself I can choose how I see myself.  holding true to my vision can then help other see that me as well. it's time to get back to work.  standing I walk to the next room admiring the grace I catch in the mirror of this new motion.

take another look at me now eyes, see what you are missing

Extra Extra, Drink All About it

I never change, never change, the lyrics once again speak true.  I'm under a deadline of self imposed importance which is the easiest and worse kind of deadline to break.  once again I suspect that I'm about to let myself down.  It is already nearing the end of February according to the calendar.  Yet hope rings true, suddenly I realize it's a leap year, I've been blessed with one extra day to make everything right.

opening a bottle of Caymus Special Select, I pause to reflect on the blessing of one more day.  Suddenly discovering an extra day opens a new world of thinking.  having recently been confronted by the death of friends friends, I'm been wondering about the meaning of my own mortality.  not usually a topic I dwell on, death, it struck me that suddenly I've seemingly been granted an extra day in life.  taking a sip of my wine, I begin to ponder how to spend the day.

if we could be free of everything that needs to be done, guiltless of who we should share that day with, aware that this fictional day is extra how; I wonder how I would choose to use such a day.  not to meet some deadline I realize, that needs to be dealt with first.  And being that this not so fictional extra day is in february I know exactly what I want to do with it, so I need to get stuff done so the coming wednesday can be guilt free.  taking another sip I put down the wine in favor of a pen.  I have work to get done, on the 29th we ride

Taking It All In - Face Value

"Welcome to the Doll House," I said opening the cabin's front door, revealing the party.
I watched her eyes as she scanned the participants of tonight's gathering.  a couple pretty young things giggled as they pushed their way past us traveling out into the starlit night.  "wanna join us?" a brunette with a wicked smile shot back over her shoulder.  "perhaps later, I just arrived." I responded as we walk the opposite direction, entering into the parties center.

"are things like them why they call it the doll house?" my night's companion asked.

looking at her lips I replied, "it's actually Dahl, in reference to my buddies last name."
she smiled.  you can learn a lot watching someone's face, especially when you bring a city girl to a mountain party.  Usually I can get a sense of how the evening is going to go by watching first reactions to my crazy ski/snowboard friends.  Tonight's lady however, was an interesting read.  as I studied her face all I could gather is her awareness to the many faces around her.  the looks in the crowd were a much clearer read on their faces.  ranging from "is she good enough for him" to "who's this bitch he's f'n now" made up the spectrum of thoughts visible among the women.  for the most part the men gave their default stare; fresh meat, I outta see about this girl.  as always the faces of my close friends were much more inviting.

dropping the shot ski from the three of their lips, expressions on their faces came more clearly into view.  "who's the new hot lady" the first of my buddies inquired.  "You mean who's tonight's arm candy?" my second buddy added. hoping to stop them before things were out of my control I broke in, "unfair, I often enjoy roll'n solo." but already a few drinks in my friends weren't going to allow me to take back control of the introductions easily. "WHEN do you roll solo?" my gurl, the third of my three friends broke back. "you love having some sweet thing to toy with all night."

knowing it was my face now being studied  all I could do was turn to my partner and smile.
"don't worry," my buddy urged her.  seemingly coming to my defense, "in general, that puts you in a pretty attractive group."  laughing as he gave me a loving bump, my other buddy added, "is that a group or a harem that you are meaning to refer to?"  "I said nothing about exclusive, I was just complementing the lady on her looks," the first buddy responded.  keeping things real my gurl was compelled to add, "he wishes it was a harem, rather than just list of failed lays."  the chorus of all three now laughing.

I offered that she enjoy herself for a moment while I find us a couple glasses of wine.  the adorable look on her sexy face said it all, getting to know her was going to be more than just a one night thing.  as I departed in search of something special for us to drink, more laughter took over the expression on their faces.  she was in good hands.  enough studying of faces, I was off to the cellar to study labels.

Reflections on a Long Walk Home

I've come to believe that we are reflections of the company we keep.  the people we choose to take on as friends says much about who we are as a person.  taking on their energy and share ours with them, it impacts the world, for good or for ill.  thus, you can learn much about a person by getting to know their inner circle.  of course, I probably believe that because the only people on the planet I admire more than myself are my friends.

these days I am seldom surprised by the many things my circle of friends are able to accomplish.  While I continue to bum though life, learning to share the richness of the story that unfolds, my friends live inspired lives that help me find the joy in living.

Following the premier of the movie about his life, a friend of mine decided the best way to stay humble and true to his story was to walk home.  over the next three days he'll hike and ride from paradise on mt. Rainier back to Crystal mt and his home in greenwater.  meanwhile another friend juggles, full-time school, full-time work and part-time snowboard instructing, all so that she can carve our time for the important things in life, living a spirit life of joyful free-time.  they might be brief, but when the opportunity presents itself she gets after it.

It's not all rainbows and unicorns however in the lives of my friends.  pain and tragedy as of late is no stranger.  Having just lost a very special girlfriend to cancer, the grace by which my buddy is dealing with such lose is a powerful thing to witness.  I've fallen hard in the past and I watch as others I know fall even harder. It is easy to allow negatives in life to pull us down.  But to stand in the face of that fear, to be strong while at the same time be open taking help as it is offered, to be aware that it is okay to be vulnerable so that healing can occur, that is a powerful lesson.

I see these friends in good times and bad and they also see me.  through it all I continue to vibe with these people because in my heart I know, we all are just doing our best to pour love into the world around us.  That is a reflection I'm happy to see look back at me from the mirror.

Who's Sexy Sexy - Enjoy the Tempranillo & I'll Tell You

the bounce is back, the dude is back, got my swagger back, sexy sexy deal with it...

in the city again dealing with all the drama. up in the mountains things have been simpler. staying warm, surviving, understanding joy and discovering the depths of love; these are the things that consume our daily life. down here in the city life is easier but living is so much more complex. everything I could ever want is within reach, yet so much junk is in the way. disconnected from the world the city seemingly consumes the soul. people think of self before considering the "us" in each other.

I can feel the energy shift as the drama rises. grabbing a bottle of tempranillo I head off to dinner. my hope is that the earthy notes of this Washington grown wine will ease the burdens of a city day. we drink in the juicy notes of red fruit and savory the long finish.  paired with a home cooked vegetarian meal the energy around the dinner table is good. Drama swirls around us but life rolls on in our comforting little bubble. Friends, real friends, people that care for people, they can keep you sane in the insanity of the city.

finding what I need, this time is the city has come to its conclusion. change clothes, yeah uh, sexy sexy, turn your radio up. I drive back to the hill

Awake the Muse

she's whispering in my ear so I wake. I've been in a fog, walking an uninspired yet charmed life. around me so much wonder needing to be told. lately though, I haven't been bold enough to tell it. instead I float, life slides by around me.

behind me she walks past out of view. her hand glides across my back from shoulder to shoulder letting me know she is near. I'm warmed by her touch. glancing over me shoulder I hope to see her, wanting to meet her with a smile. in my mind I can hear her giggle, I can see her dance. I love to watch her body move.

her music plays in the background as I finally get myself to work. focus, write, focus write, focus write... instead I continue to dream. where will thoughts of my muse guide me next.

The Grand Transition

it's been a daze for how many days I do not know. writing hasn't happened but the story has moved in so many ways that the end sounds as if it might be near; at least for this tale. surley more are to come but as the sunsets, this chapter moves into a new year.  back to reality, 2012 begins.